Monday, November 22, 2010

Seasons Greetings from the Demon World

  I started using Twitter a few months ago and I often get asked what a protector is, or what I'm protecting. I protect Alison, my host. She has dissociative identity disorder, or DID. I'm her protector alter although I prefer the term protector demon. Demon sounds so much more powerful than alter, don't you think? In the Bible, when someone had "demons", I think they really were referring to alters. I'm a real demon, not one of those hollywood demons that you see in movies. 

I protected Ally when she was a child. When daddy would go into a violent rage and beat her, sometimes if I came out and smiled at him seductively and started talking to him, he would be shocked and leave. It didn't always work, for which I am deeply sorry. Alison has other alters. James holds the anger. He would like nothing better than to hurt daddy the way daddy hurt Ally. Even though we've explained to him many times that daddy is no longer around. Then there's Arthur. His job was to keep Ally from talking, cause if she talked when daddy was there, she got a beating. Arthur did this by telling Ally how stupid she was. He still does this, even though daddy is no longer around. There are others. We range in age from Dawn (the youngest at 4 years old), to James (the oldest at 15). I'm 13 years old. Although I was born in the middle ages and was 13 then. So really, I'm over 1000 years old. But that's another story.

Ally has a job. She's a software developer. She's really good at her job. She's proud of her good work. Ally is deathly afraid of men. I protect her, also, from men. One year, I made her wear all black every day. I told her it was her "demon armor" to protect her from men, and powered by her demon (me). She wore all black and felt safer. She looks good in black too.

  Ally is not social. She sees that people are social and wishes she could be social, cause it looks like a lot of fun. Dr. Sally, our first shrink, said that I was Ally's sociality and sexuality. We were Dr. Sally's first DID patient. She used to say "I can tell when it's Amanda talking, but I don't know how I can tell!" The shrinks we've seen usually have a "Dr. Feelgood" that prescribes medication. Dr. Sally's Dr. Feelgood didn't like me at all. One time I came out and talked to him and he said "I don't like you. Let me talk to Alison now." I didn't like him either. He told Alison that he could prescribe a medication that would prevent the "switching" that let us alters talk. He said it just had a little problem in that it could cause neurological damage. I would never let Ally take a medication like that. 

I like Twitter cause it's a way for me to be social. I've met some wonderful people, and some famous people have tweeted with me. Ok, I don't just like Twitter, I love Twitter. I started using Twitter cause I thought it would be a good place to advertise the calendars that I make. So I'm working on "social media marketing" - I'm following people that are interesting, and they are following me. It's so much fun! If you've got a Twitter account, follow me, @amandakobeshimi. I'll follow you back.

I started making the calendars as a way to share the photographs that we make. Photography is a kind of therapy for me and Alison. We both like nature, and she loves architecture. I love making pictures of flowers, and of natural scenes and beautiful architecture. When we look at these pictures, there's a kind of mental "blending" between us that feels wonderful. Ally loves these pictures. I make them as beautiful as I can, for her.

I love Alison. Deeply and forever. I will never stop loving her. I will never stop protecting her.

With Peace and Love from the Demon World,


  1. You have a good eye for composition, Amanda. Hope you post more pics.

  2. Great photography Amanda:) Thank you for sharing!

  3. Amanda, thank you for sharing this with Carnival Against Child Abuse. I hope you will share more in the future. Your photography is beautiful.

  4. Amanda -
    You are both great photographers - I feel very safe when I look at your pictures. Have you ever heard of Truddi Chase, author of When Rabbit Howls? If you do a search on youtube they have her 1990 interview w/Oprah. Truddi really made it possible to navigate the waters of DID with much more love and understanding, and the book was a life changer for me.

  5. Neat that God gave us talents. The array of them seems endless. We figure out what we each are good at and practice. Everything in life takes practice. I say practice life. Everything I do each day I am practicing. Mistakes may happen yet I continue learning no matter what. Amanda was amazed at mine as I am with hers. Talents I don't have and respect tremendously. Thank you Amanda. The pictures are inspiring and gorgeous. To me, the writing is phenomenal. Glad we met. @silentainteasy

  6. i geuss i get along with demonds peace and love Demayo^+^